Author Archives: JonPaul
Standing amidst debris from the fallen towers—a PowerPoint presentation, an old expense report, corners of photos once tacked to a cubicle—I knew that I had crossed a threshold in life. Not so much a loss of innocence. Lord, when had I ever been innocent? But a recognition of vulnerability.
As our wedding approached this past June, the thing that worried me most was not the weather or my mother-in-law, but the behavior of our diva bridesmaid. Frida had acted out at her last dress fitting and seemed unhappy by the level of chaos in our home. Come wedding day, however, she put all that behind her and put on quite the show.
Sometimes Tex needs a break from the city. And while in summers past the siren songs of Fire Island have called my name, this year I learned to be a mountain man, Catskills style. How could I not be when a groovy spot called The Roxbury Motel gave me a choice of channeling my inner Audrey Hepburn or Farah Fawcett?
The Mrs. was crazy. There could be no doubt about that. The upstairs maids from Honduras, the downstairs maids from Guatemala, the Puerto Rican house boy, the two Dominican drivers, the Cuban security guards, and the three Colombian nannies all referred to our mistress as The Mrs.—as if she were a flamboyant character straight out of a Telemundo telenovela. Between her collagen-inflated lips, her Botox-smoothed forehead, her surgically enhanced boobs, and her temper tantrums, The Mrs. had all the talents of a trashy TV temptress.