40, Love

Occupy Spit List

Coming Up: JP's turkey day roundtable takes on political overtones. Nominees: Taylor "Trout Mouth" Armstrong; Marchus Bachman; and could it be—Steve Jobs?

This is the year The Spit List went political, global and multimedia. Yes, my Thanksgiving roundtable game of announcing a person (or concept) you find so vile that if you met them on a red carpet you’d spit on them, made a decisive turn this year away from pop-culture to dissatisfaction with all levels of politicos. Call it the Occupy Effect.  Oh, sure, I tried to throw in a couple of sweeping trends—like this insatiable desire for all things Zombies that I find unbearable. But for every passing reference to a “Real” Housewife of Beverly Hills (provided on absentee ballot/pie by Angela) there was a rousing call for “down with the Super Committee!” (courtesy of Mike).

Political spit rage traveled the globe. Via Facebook, Aimee in Afghanistan laid a wad on Herman Cain’s advisor—fearing that with his recent Secret Service protection she might be arrested if she spat upon the Presidential candidate himself. We all agreed that was clearly not worth it. Relatives of candidates were nominated for some saliva action—both Werner at the table and Jimmy (emailing from Dallas) nominated Marchus Bachmann whom Jimmy described as a “puffed up, scared, closeted man taking advantage of vulnerably people struggling with their sexuality and pushing them further into a closet of guilt, fear and shame.” Hear! Hear!

We’re as fair and balanced as Fox News at our table, so I should point out that died-in-the-wool Democrat Keith offered up a triumverate of donkeys that deserve a little wet action including City Comptroller John Liu for shady fundraising practices; John Edwards for taking advantage of Bunny Mellon, the 100+ year old patron saint of fashion, beauty, decorating; and Anthony Weiner. The latter not because any of the gay boys at our table give a rat’s ass about texting a pic of your weiner to a trick, but because upon resigning a right-wing radical took possession of a critical Congressional seat. It should be said that I remember being flustered years back when Hilary Clinton ended up on someone’s spit list—so he’s come a long way baby. Kudos for balance.

The criminal justice system came in for a drubbing. First, the authorities around the Penn State scandal (later generalized to the rioting Penn Sate students). Then Angela indicted the L.A. County Justice System for giving celebrities 90 days in jail and then only having them serve 36 minutes. Poor Lindsay—she’s not even worthy of the Spit List. Only her jailers are.

Speaking of celebrities, Scott apologized for his suggestion of the Kardashians—saying it was almost too easy and obvious. But we all agreed it needed to be acknowledged, but quickly moved on. As if this country has more important things to spit on. Like Occupy Wall Street—a suggestion texted in by Jim P. upset that the group “lost the opportunity to make a real point.”

Squandering an opportunity was the theme of this year’s winner of Conversation Stopping Jaw Dropping Spit List Nominee. To give you a sense of how controversial this award is, let me just remind you that one year the nominee was Trip Palin, the family’s down syndrome child. I know, the image hits you hard. But Angela had her reasons.

But this year’s winner clearly was Chef with his pronouncement: Steve Jobs. There was a brief rules kerfuffle around whether one could spit on a dead person. So Chef altered his nomination to encompass the adoring/unchecked idolization of Steve Jobs & Apple who are complicit in using child labor and inhumane working conditions in China to produce our coveted iPads, iPods, and more. This is dirty dealing folks, on the same level as when were shocked in the 80s that Nike and Kathie Lee employed sweat shop labor—and we insisted they do something about it.  But no such voice seems to be sweeping the consumer products industry demanding better treatment for electronics workers. Chef is a convert to this cause after seeing Mike Daisey’s one man show “The Agony and Ecstacy of Steve Jobs” at The Public Theater.

Until next year, thanks for playing and helping use bodily fluids in positive ways.


For more information on The Spit List and how to play, check out my book “Alphabet City: My So-Called Sitcom Life” or my previous online effort ABCityblog.com.

This entry was posted in 40, Love, Featured. Bookmark the permalink.